and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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