butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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