I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
