i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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