I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
