im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
