when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Less talking, more tequila
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
