I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
