Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
