you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
