Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
