My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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