I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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