I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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