had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
