I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
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Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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