i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
