You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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