i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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