I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Never joke about your clitoris.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
