It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours