Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.