I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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