she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm sobbing to NWA
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
