spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.