The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
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there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.