she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
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Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet