I'll bet she douches with gravy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
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Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
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What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you