she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
