you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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