there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
