final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
