if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
