if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
