I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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