just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
