I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
