You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
