Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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