You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
