1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize