I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
