Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
