I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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