girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
