Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
