Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
