for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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