I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
