Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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