may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i want to swaddle you in tequila
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
