I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
