was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
