i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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