It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
