That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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