Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
