Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
well you can't waste a boner
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We have so much sex to catch up on
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
