i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
