I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
