Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
