I cannot find my penis.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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