just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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