my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
