i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
