I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
And then he peed in my hair
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
