Dual....:-)
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize