What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
