Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
sarcasm needs its own font
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
