I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You ate ashes out of my bong
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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