Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
