This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
