just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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