Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
