I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
40s are totally the cure
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
