I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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