Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
