Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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