News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
