I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize