That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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