Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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