omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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