Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
