I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
