first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
